Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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