Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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