He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
