Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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