That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
