pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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