I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I can't turn off my feet"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
