You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
