We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize