I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
