the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
