My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So apparently I’m into choking now
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
