Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize