They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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