About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
