Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
