spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
