i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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