She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
