Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
