apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
