party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
