Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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