I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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