Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
