did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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