sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
