never play flip cup with pint glasses
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
