i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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