Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
