they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
