I showed him my bush... on skype.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
