You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
