Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
