I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
