somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
