so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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