brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
