He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
