Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
