I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
