ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
