I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
