For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
