yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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