You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
