When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
