Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
