she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
