he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize