I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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