He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
