U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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