I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
