i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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