this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
