New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
