Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
