Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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