If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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