please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
