A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
