woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
