if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
