My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
