I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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