Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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