Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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