they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
