i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
